Thursday, 12/29

Yes, I have a sick & warped mind. Is that a bad thing?

One of the many things I dealt with over my long holiday weekend was going through lists of things I need to do. One of those things was putting DVDs away, and one of those DVDs that needs to get put away is one of my favorite movies ever, “This is Spinal Tap”. If you've not yet viewed the movie, you really need to do so; it's the story of a clueless early 80s heavy metal group that's falling apart, not even realizing they're doing so. One of the many gags throughout the film is how the group keeps losing drummers; in fact, most of them seem to explode for no apparent reason.

Well, the reason I bring the movie up—and the reason why my mind may be sick & warped—is that I think I've found the real-life inspiration behind the group.

Two nights ago Loraine and I were eating dinner, and as I've written before our conversations can often lead to very weird discoveries. She came across a book written about a 70's music group. The group had three or four hits, and was quickly forgotten. Because I was curious to see if they're actually still around and performing, I looked them up, and was treated to a fine Wikipedia entry that soon devolved into a session of me (and Loraine) laughing harder and harder as we discovered the tragedies that befell members of the group.

(And as an aside, remember that my earliest comedy influences were Looney Tunes cartoons and the TV show “MASH”. It's no wonder I have such a dark sense of humor).

Anyway, the group went through a few drummers like Spinal Tap, minus the explosions. One fell off a drum riser, broke both his legs, and had to be replaced. His replacement played a few years, then had a heart attack on stage and died during a show. The lead singer developed a few mental health issues and tried (unsuccessfully) to commit suicide by cop. And the guitarist, after finding out he developed multiple sclerosis, retired from the band to take care of his wife, who had been given a cancer diagnosis and shortly after took her own life.

I know. I should not have laughed at the tragedy and the personal suffering that those human beings went through. Absolutely no one should ever have to deal with those types of issues, and if they do they should get our full support. But as I kept reading the article, and as the “Spinal Tap”-esque tragedies kept piling up, I couldn't help myself. It just seemed too...bizarre to have actually happened.

But it did. And I'm a horrid human being for having the reaction to it that I did. But I've seen “Spinal Tap” 15 or 20 times. As I read the article on the group, it's like I almost knew what was coming, and when it started paralleling what happened in the movie I just lost it. A normal human being would have just shook their head in sympathy, but not me. Nope; I just thought of what happened in “Spinal Tap” and started laughing at tragedy, just like Bugs Bunny & Hawkeye Pierce would have.

One of these days I really need to start growing up, don't I?

8-)

On that note, I have another long & extended weekend coming up. I'll be back Tuesday, so, if you wouldn't mind, behave yourself and (try to) act like an adult while I'm gone. After all, I don't seem to have the ability to do that myself.

Happy New Year!

(jim@wmqt.com)

Wednesday, 12/28

Please don’t laugh, but I don’t think I got my fill of Christmas music this year.

See, you’re laughing, aren’t you? I don’t blame you, because by the time Christmas actually rolls around most normal people have heard enough Christmas music to last them for the next 11 months. But as we all know, I’m anything but normal, especially this holiday season.

Hence, the Christmas music I could still probably listen to.

Aside from what we played on the air leading up to the holiday, I really didn’t get a chance to listen to a lot of Christmas music this year. I listened to the usual discs when I was making cookies, and I listened to one of my favorites--“Soul Christmas”--a couple of times while wrapping gifts Friday afternoon, but that was about it. With everything else going on I just didn’t have time to listen to anything else. By my reckoning, I only heard “The Christmas Song” twice, “Last Christmas” three times, and in a stunning reversal from normal, I don’t believe I heard “Happy Xmas (War Is Over)” or Vince Gill’s sublime version of “White Christmas” even once this year.

Not once!

Unfortunately, the two “Christmas” songs I heard the most (and you did notice the quotes around “Christmas”, right?) were “Grandma Got Run Over By A Reindeer” and “Rusty Chevrolet””, if only because those are the two holiday songs for which we received the most Instant Requests. Those don’t really get the spirit of the season across, unless you consider the spirit of the season to be vehicular homicide or the need for a new car. In that case, those songs are fine; in my case, not so much.

I don’t think I’ll bust out any Christmas CDs any time soon; after all, holiday music isn’t the same after the holiday’s actually over. Maybe, though, it means I’ll look forward to it just a little more than usual next Christmas, and get a chance to listen a greater variety of artists than Elmo & Patsy and Da Yoopers.

That’d be okay with me.

(jim@wmqt.com)

Thursday, 12/22

I wonder if Santa actually reads the letters?

On one of my TV gigs earlier this week I read a “letter” I wrote to Santa. It was, obviously, just a joke, and I've had several people comment that they really did get a chuckle out of it.  

So, for only the, what, fourth time in my life I got a laugh when I meant to.  .

Anyway, I'll share the “letter”. If you didn't get the chance to see it Monday night, who knows—maybe you'll get a chuckle out of it, as well.  And it also contains one of the most subtle gags I every wrote.  I'll be curious to see if anyone actually picked up on it.

8-)

****

Dear Santa:

Hi, it’s Jim from the UP. Hope you and Mrs. Claus are doing well. I know I ask for the same two things every year–world peace & my own spaceship. And I know those are both really hard to get these days. So instead, this year I thought I’d ask for a few things for the people around me, the people of the UP.

That okay with you?

Let’s start by making sure we have enough snow for our big winter events this year. We don’t need 32 feet of the stuff; just enough so we can race all those things we like to race around here–skis, sled dogs, and outhouses.  Then, if you could get together with Mother Nature and maybe make the snow go away by, say, St. Urho’s Day, that would be a nice bonus.

And if not St. Urho’s Day, St. Patrick’s Day?

While you’re speaking with Mother Nature, could you have her do something about the mosquitoes, as well? I mean, I know they're the UP’s national bird & everything, but 87 kajillion of them on an annual basis?

Really?

Next, Santa, if you wouldn’t mind, could you help tourists learn how to properly pronounce things when they visit up here? It would be great if we didn’t have to hear buh-RAH-guh, Mun-sing, or es-CAN-uh-buh ever again.

Sa’nna is actually the capital of Yemen.

And, for the love of all that is Yooper, please remind them that it’s pasty. Pasty. It does NOT start with “pay”. It’s “pasty”.

And you don’t eat them with dill pickles, either.

Finally, Santa, here’s my most important wish. I hope that you’re able to make sure everyone in the UP, all 300,000 of us, have a safe, healthy, and happy holiday season. Because I can’t think of a group of people who deserve it more.

Thanks a bunch, Santa. I’ll leave a glass of milk and some cudighi by the tree.

Merry Christmas, your pal, Jim.

*****

I am now off until, believe it or not, Wednesday of next week. So until then, I hope you have a safe, healthy, and happy holiday weekend. And I hope Santa brings you everything YOU want!

(jim@wmqt.com)

Wednesday, 12/21

You can blame me. It's all my fault.

If you recall, I wrote a few weeks ago wondering if we'd have a brown Christmas or a white Christmas. Well, I guess we now know which--

We're also on the cusp of what could be an “unprecedented” winter storm. I have no idea what the final snow total will be, or if we'll even get much here in Marquette, but I’m guessing (based on the predictions of Ray Miller, Harbinger of Doom) that many of you throughout the U.P. are staring at over a foot of the white stuff. Cheer up, though; after all, it’ll only be around for, oh, the next five or six months.

8-)

Five months. And before you think I’m kidding, you know I’m not. After all, we've had many years where we've had snow in the middle of May. And if you add five months to today, you know what you get?

Yup. The middle of May, 2023.

So how am I gonna survive five months of stir-crazy cabin fever? I have no idea; hopefully, I won’t end up standing out in the street naked yelling at the snow gods for making my life miserable (although that WOULD be a neat way for me to finally get into the Mining Journal's Police Log, wouldn’t it?). I guess that over the next five months, I just hafta adjust my lifestyle. I won’t be able to spend as much time outdoors, I won’t be wandering around the area taking as many pictures, and I won’t be wearing shorts very much. Instead, I’ll sit inside and read a little more. I’ll get through some of the unwatched DVD and Blu-Rays that seem to pile up. And I’ll check off events like Christmas, New Year’s, the Noque, and Valentine’s Day, knowing that each event we go through means we’re one little step closer to the return of green (or at least brown) grass, sunshine, and sweat rolling down your back as you go running without 14 pieces of clothing covering up your body.

Yes, I know I’m a walking oxymoron. Yes, I know that for someone who was born in the U.P. I shouldn’t complain about winter, I should instead celebrate it. It’s just that, you know, it’s winter.

And it’s here for the foreseeable future.

(jim@wmqt.com)

Tuesday, 12/20

I'm gonna say they turned out okay.

I've finally finished my holiday baking and decorating. It only (he sighs while saying) took three days, but it's done, it's over, and they're ready for delivery (or consumption). I ended up with five different cookies and one attempt at my Mom's fudge meltaways, which look pretty much like hers always did--

And, as a bonus, they taste the same as hers, so I have that going for me, as well.

I think I talked about the kind of cookies I was going to make this year earlier, and I stuck to those five. However, I did try to ramp up one of the cookies, the lemon-rosemary shortbread things I make. Before sticking them in the oven--

I added a crumble on top consisting of sugar and lemon zest. I think they turned out quite nicely, although I will admit that the crumble on top tends to fall off once you take a bite. So while they're not the cleanest of cookies, they are quite tasty.

And, in all honesty, isn't that what you want in a cookie?

Now, I have a few days off from kitchen work, but just a few, as I still have to make Christmas scones on Christmas Eve and then a bison ragu pasta dish for Christmas Day. Yes, it's different than the Greek food I've been making the past few Christmases, but I'm looking forward to seeing what I come up with.

After all, it's the holidaze, right? Bon Appetit!!

(jim@wmqt.com)

Monday, 12/17

For some bizarre reason I’ve been looking at several coffee cups & tea mugs I have lying around, and you know what I've realized?

I may need a personality adjustment.

I mean, I don’t know if the sayings on coffee cups reflect someone’s personality, but if they do, then it appears I whine a lot. And in real life, I don’t whine that much. Honest--I don’t. Despite what I write in here and what I say on the air and the way I talk to my friends and the way I....

Uhm...well, never mind. Maybe coffee cups really DO reflect the person who has them. And maybe by looking at the ones in your possession, you’re able to tell just what people think about you, even if they’d never say it to your face. Maybe they know you and your personality quirks better than you do, and the coffee cups are a way to for you to discover those quirks.

Take three of the mugs I found lying around our apartment. One of them was a gift many years ago from one of my parents, and says “It’s hard for a night person to work days’. Now, aside from being quite true (trust me on that part), I’m sure it stemmed from the way I’d try (and actually still try) to wake up in the morning. My brain’s not working, my body follows and the only thing that comes out of my mouth is a series of mumbles and grumbles that try (but don’t quite succeed) in becoming intelligible sounds.

So chalk one up to truthiness in coffee cups.

Then there’s one Loraine got me as a gag gift (at least I think it was a gag gift), one that says “still perfect after all these years’. This, of course, is a veritable cornucopia of personality quirks, in that I’m far from perfect (witness how many times I say “Oops. . .my fault” during the day), and in that I also have that wonderful Koski family phobia about aging. So you see? You kill two personality traits with one stone in that cup.

Finally, there’s one mug that I still use all the time, and one that I will fully admit reflects my personality. I don’t remember who got it for me, and I don’t remember the circumstances under which I was given it. All I know is that it fit perfectly when I was given it, and it still fits perfectly to this day.

What does that mug say? It says this--“Some days, all I want is a normal life”.

Amen to that. It’s still a motto by which I live.

So if you’ve ever wondered how others see you (for good or for not so good), take a look at the coffee cups they give you. You’ll either be shocked or pleasantly surprised or, perhaps, both.

(jim@wmqt.com)

Friday, 12/16

Who knew the gloves had it in them?

I've been wearing the same pair of winter gloves for, oh, five or six years now, and when I pulled them out for their first use this year I could tell them were starting to get into rough shape. Several of the fingers started to poke through, one of the buckles had fallen off, and well, look for yourself--

You know—typical gloves after being used in the UP for half a decade.

I bought a new pair several weeks ago, figuring that if my old gloves were deteriorated that much that I'd just wear them until they were unwearable and then switch to the new pair. But you know what?

My old gloves aren't going down without a fight.

Since I purchased the new pair the deterioration on the old pair seems to have stopped. I thought by now all of the fingers would have holes in them and the stuffing would be popping out everywhere. But I must have underestimated my old gloves. I don't know if they had some kind of survival instinct kick in, or they were weren't just as bad as I originally thought, but they're not giving up the ghost.

They're bound and determined to make it through a sixth Upper Michigan winter. They're bound and determined to have my new pair of gloves spend the winter in my apartment.

Those old gloves do not want to be put out to pasture.

So I'll keep using them. Maybe they'll last the entire winter. Maybe, like a star about to go nova, they're just shining a little brighter than usual before they explode. I have no idea; I just know that I now have another one of those strange games I play with myself to keep me sane during the six long months of a UP winter.

And don't worry. I'll keep you updated. It's the least I can do.

8-)

Have a great weekend!

(jim@wmqt.com)