Thursday, 12/22

I wonder if Santa actually reads the letters?

On one of my TV gigs earlier this week I read a “letter” I wrote to Santa. It was, obviously, just a joke, and I've had several people comment that they really did get a chuckle out of it.  

So, for only the, what, fourth time in my life I got a laugh when I meant to.  .

Anyway, I'll share the “letter”. If you didn't get the chance to see it Monday night, who knows—maybe you'll get a chuckle out of it, as well.  And it also contains one of the most subtle gags I every wrote.  I'll be curious to see if anyone actually picked up on it.

8-)

****

Dear Santa:

Hi, it’s Jim from the UP. Hope you and Mrs. Claus are doing well. I know I ask for the same two things every year–world peace & my own spaceship. And I know those are both really hard to get these days. So instead, this year I thought I’d ask for a few things for the people around me, the people of the UP.

That okay with you?

Let’s start by making sure we have enough snow for our big winter events this year. We don’t need 32 feet of the stuff; just enough so we can race all those things we like to race around here–skis, sled dogs, and outhouses.  Then, if you could get together with Mother Nature and maybe make the snow go away by, say, St. Urho’s Day, that would be a nice bonus.

And if not St. Urho’s Day, St. Patrick’s Day?

While you’re speaking with Mother Nature, could you have her do something about the mosquitoes, as well? I mean, I know they're the UP’s national bird & everything, but 87 kajillion of them on an annual basis?

Really?

Next, Santa, if you wouldn’t mind, could you help tourists learn how to properly pronounce things when they visit up here? It would be great if we didn’t have to hear buh-RAH-guh, Mun-sing, or es-CAN-uh-buh ever again.

Sa’nna is actually the capital of Yemen.

And, for the love of all that is Yooper, please remind them that it’s pasty. Pasty. It does NOT start with “pay”. It’s “pasty”.

And you don’t eat them with dill pickles, either.

Finally, Santa, here’s my most important wish. I hope that you’re able to make sure everyone in the UP, all 300,000 of us, have a safe, healthy, and happy holiday season. Because I can’t think of a group of people who deserve it more.

Thanks a bunch, Santa. I’ll leave a glass of milk and some cudighi by the tree.

Merry Christmas, your pal, Jim.

*****

I am now off until, believe it or not, Wednesday of next week. So until then, I hope you have a safe, healthy, and happy holiday weekend. And I hope Santa brings you everything YOU want!

(jim@wmqt.com)