There's a clump of hair sticking out of
the back of my head, and nothing I do seems to make it go away.
One of the big differences between
working in TV and working in radio is that two or three times a week
I need to pay attention to how I look. In radio, you can just roll
out of bed, throw on some clothes, and go to work. No one, aside
from your co-workers, can see what you look like, and they're often
dressed the same way you are. But you know what? On TV, people can
see you. You just can't show up looking like a slob.
Who knew?
That's actually not a big problem for
me. I actually do (usually) care about my appearance. I very rarely
roll out of bed, throw whatever's lying on the floor back on, and
then cruise down to work. I usually make sure I look good; heck,
back in the days before I started doing TV I would even dress up in a
jacket and tie every Monday just because, well, it was Monday. But
now that I've been doing TV stuff for over a decade I have to make
sure I'm entirely presentable before stepping in front of the
cameras.
And that's where my hair, and the clump
of it sticking out of the back of my head, comes in.
First of all, I'm mad at my hair
anyway. Being under the bright lights in the studio means that you,
on occasion, can see where over the years I've started to lose a
little of it. Normally, in person, you can't tell, but under those
lights, you can. I'm sure it's one of those things no one else will
notice, but I do.
Is it any wonder I don't like watching
myself on TV?
However, it's the back of my head that
causes the biggest problems. Ever since I was a kid I've had
a...growth of hair on the back right side of my head. It's kind of
like someone put a bunch of hair fertilizer there, causing me to have
twice as much hair on that patch of my head than I do anywhere else.
The woman who's been cutting my hair tries to do what she can, but
I'm apparently a freak of nature in that regard. And as we all know,
there's not much you can do with a freak of nature.
Trust me. I'm walking proof.
It must be worse than usual, because
while taping “High School Bowl” this past Friday my mom, who was
in the audience, called me over and asked if I knew I had a clump of
hair sticking out of the back of my head.. I, of course, did, but
she's absolutely right about the clump. In fact, if you watch me on
TV (something I don't really recommend, of course) and you see me
shot at a certain angle it looks like I have a hair “tumor”
sticking out of the back of my head. I mean, I've used a bunch of
different products & methods to try to get it to lie flat, but
with only middling success. And I'll be curious to see how it looks
when I do “Life in the 906” tonight, as at the moment (and
probably why my mom noticed it Friday), my hair tumor doesn't look
like a tumor. Instead. it looks more like a stumpy carrot sticking
out of my head.
So I have that going for me
I'm tempted just to hack the whole
thing off with scissors. However, I know that would make things even
worse by doing that. I mean, a stumpy carrot sticking out of my
head? Maybe. A big hole where the stumpy carrot used to be? Nope.
However, I have faith, if not in my own hands, that someone on set
will have an idea what to do. However, if you see me on TV any day
soon and notice there's something weird sticking out of my head, know
that it's not the fault of your TV set.
It's the fault of my stupid head.
8-)
(jim@wmqt.com)