As our shared calendar draws to an end
for yet another year (really...where did 2017 go?), here's a story
about a gift I receive every year for Christmas.
A calendar. Specifically, a calendar
that makes he laugh my head off.
As I have every Christmas for a decade
and a half now, I received my annual edition of the “365 Stupidest
Things Ever Said” calendar and as I’ve done for the past decade and a half I read each and
every page of it in one sitting. This accomplishes a couple of
things--there’s a point where the cumulative effect of all that
stupidity catches up with me, and whatever control I have dissolves
in a big puddle. I start laughing uncontrollably, with tears running
down my eyes, and for the next couple of minutes, I’m unable to do
nothing else. Loraine then just stares at me for a second, and
shakes her head the way she’d shake her head at a puppy trying to
chase its tail and accidentally running itself head-first into a
wall.
Except I do it on purpose.
The page that set me off this year?
Read by itself, it’s not necessarily that funny, but when you
consider I’d just read 200 or so other pages of stupid stuff; well,
like I said, the cumulative effect was just something else. It was a
newspaper headline about people concerned about a forthcoming
ordinance in their community--
“Stiff opposition expected to
casketless funeral plan”.
Get it? “Stiff” opposition? To
funeral plans? Okay. Maybe it's just me. I mean, in and of itself
it’s not gut-busting, but when placed near the end of a long line
of stupid quotes, sayings, and newspaper headlines, it was the
trigger that set off my annual bout of self-induced hysteria.
I know. . .I need help. What’s your
point??
On that note, have yourself a great
holiday weekend and a very happy New Year. Party smartly, and if you
can't do that, party safely. See you Tuesday!
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