Because I have to run out and record an
extra episode of “High School Bowl” in a few minutes, I hope you
don't mind that I'll leave you with something I wrote a couple of
years ago. I came across it while going through a few files, and
thought it still had a little relevance (and some humor in the article which I reference).
Back with something totally new
tomorrow. Until then, stay warm!!!
****
(originally posted December 19th,
2013):
It was a list that, more than anything,
made me chuckle a little. But it also got under my skin a bit,
because I think it hit close to home.
The Huffington Post recently put
together a list of the “12 Things Women Without Children Don't Want To Hear". Now, being part of a child-free couple, I had to both smile while
reading at the list (the hypocrisy of number nine is amazing) and also be grateful that we’ve never heard some of the stuff apparently
uttered by other people. However, there is one thing on the list
with which I must take exception, and that is number eleven--
“How can you ever hope to be a
family” (without kids)?
Reading the list to Loraine got a big
laugh from her with, like me, the exception of number eleven. She
even said, and I quote, “we’re a family and we’d even be one if
we weren’t married”. And to that, I agree with her whole
heartedly. Just because we chose to do things differently than other
people doesn’t mean than we’re any less of a family than a couple
with 2.1 kids, 3 dogs, and a mortgage.
So there.
The assumptions that would go into
someone saying “How can you ever hope to be a family” without
kids blow my mind. After all, what actually defines a “family”?
Is it a group of people with shared DNA? Is it a group of people
with a piece of paper that says they’re legally related? Can it be
people who have shared bond in their lives? Or can it be people who
have come to rely and depend upon others to make their lives better?
I mean, I don’t know if it’s a generational thing or a cultural
thing or if we (and many of our friends) are just strange, but for
someone to presume that we (or someone else) can’t be a “family”
just because we don’t have kids (or even a marriage license) just
doesn’t seem right.
When I think of a “family” I think
of these things--
-People who love each other.
-People who are there for each other.
-People who take care of and support
each other.
-And people with whom you share your
life.
And without exception child-free
couples fit each of those points just as well as couples with
children. So for someone to think that you can’t be a “family”
just because your “family” doesn’t fit into their set of
pre-conceived notions isn’t right.
I have no idea why that particular item
got under my skin, but it did. Like I wrote a couple of weeks ago,
being born in the 60s made me the person that I am, and one of the
things about which I am most grateful is that being born in the 60s
made me a bit of a non-conformist. Just because “everyone else”
does something doesn’t mean that I have to do it. There is great
power in individuality; there is great power in blazing your own
trail. And just because we don’t fit into someone’s
pre-conceived idea of what a family “should” be doesn’t mean
doesn’t mean that we’re not a “family”.
I’ve been incredibly lucky in my
life. I grew up in an amazing “family”, a family with parents
and kids and everything else that you would consider “normal”. I
wouldn’t trade that for anything in the world. But when I got
married to Loraine the two of us became another “family”, and I
wouldn’t consider it any less of a “family” than the one in
which I grew up. Both “families” are loving and supportive of
each other and are pillars of my life. For someone to assume that
one isn’t equal to the other is just plain wrong.
And that’s probably why that one item
on an otherwise funny list got under my skin, just a little bit.
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