I used the wrong toothpaste yesterday morning, and it threw my whole day off.
What--you don’t have two different kinds of toothpaste? A morning toothpaste and an evening toothpaste? One that you use when you first wake up and another that you use right before you go to bed? Please don’t tell me I’m the only person who does that, because that would make be an oddball, and we all know that that would never be true, right?
Okay. You can stop laughing now.
I’m not quite sure how the habit started; I think it began with one of our first trips to Europe, when I brought along two small tubes of travel toothpaste. Both were from Aquafresh; one was kind of paste-y, which I used in the morning, and the other was rather foamy, which I used at night. Somewhere along the way I began picking up regular-sized tubes of the same two kinds of toothpaste and started using them the same way I was using them on that trip.
And apparently I haven’t stopped since.
When I used the foamy toothpaste yesterday morning instead of the paste-y one I don’t think I realized what I was doing. After all, it was early in the morning, and we all know how well I don‘t function early in the morning. I’m sure I must’ve noticed something was off--after all, my mouth usually doesn’t foam like a rabies victim that early in the day--but I wasn’t aware why. It wasn’t until last night when I noticed my morning toothpaste was where my evening toothpaste usually sits--and vice versa--that I realize what I had done.
Oh, the horror!!
Of course, there was nothing wrong with me using my “evening” toothpaste in the morning, just like there would be nothing wrong with me using my “morning” toothpaste in the evening. Gingivitis and plaque wouldn’t suddenly attack my teeth, causing them to fall out. My breath wouldn’t repel everyone I met that day. And the planet wouldn’t stop rotating on its axis, causing half the planet to live in permanent daylight and the other half to live in permanent night.
I, by the way, would hope to be on the half permanently stuck in daylight. But that’s just me.
As I’m thinking of what I did and my reaction to it, my thoughts sadly (and perhaps a bit scarily) turn to the character of Sheldon on the late, great “Big Bang Theory”. Those of you who watched the show (or its current prequel, “Young Sheldon”) know that Sheldon can be a bit, uhm, anal about things, especially when things don’t go according to whatever schedule he’s set up. I could just imagine Sheldon thinking the world would stop revolving if he used his morning toothpaste in the evening (and vice versa); while I certainly did enjoy the character (and the energy Jim Parsons put into playing him) I’d hate to think that I’m even a little bit like him.
Sure, I wouldn’t mind having two doctorates, but I also like being a functional human being in society, something Sheldon certainly is not, especially when confronted by something like the Wrong Toothpaste Paradox. So forgive me if I actually notice when I use the wrong toothpaste and it makes the whole rest of my day seem just a bit “off”. However, keep your fingers crossed that the use of said toothpaste doesn’t send me over the edge of sanity.
Because as we all know, there are days when I’m teetering over it to begin with. I certainly don’t need a little push in the wrong direction!
No comments:
Post a Comment