Monday, December 31, 2018

Monday, 12/31


Wait. We're about to head into the final year of a decade? Didn't we just do that, like, a year or so ago?

Time really DOES fly, doesn't it?

As we stand on the precipice of 2019, I'm still trying to figure out what happened to the rest of the teens. It still seems to me like it could be 2009 and we're waiting for the next decade to begin. But no; we've now gone through another ten years of progress, of highs, of lows, of weirdness, of chaos, of hope, and, of course, of getting older.

The teens have been a strange decade, haven't they?

I'm sure this is just me, but I'm actually just starting to get used to calling the decade the “teens” instead of the “ohs”, and in another year that will moot, too. Pretty soon, we'll be in the “20s”, which doesn't seem possible. The 2020s? That's, like, the future, isn't it? Not only that, but the last time we lived through a decade called the 20s they were “Roaring” and ended by giving us the Great Depression. And I'm pretty sure most people would've thought that by the next time the 20s rolled around we wouldn't have to worry about things like depressions and would instead have to worry about things like where we parked our flying car.

But, as we slowly but surely learn, things really don't change that much as time rolls on. Or, at least, things don't change as far as flying cars are concerned. Keep your fingers crossed that the 20s we're staring at in a year don't start the same way the last 20s ended.

So enjoy your final New Year's Day of the teens. Just think—the next time the day rolls around it'll be a whole new decade. Even if it seems like we just started the current one.

Happy New Year. See you on the other side (or, as most people call it, Wednesday).


Friday, December 28, 2018

Friday, 12/28


Say “hello” to my little friend!



That was just one of the many cow-related gifts I received this Christmas; a little statue picked up by my parents because A). they have a weird son and 2). they thought it looked like the cow I shot in Germany this year, the cow that now sits on my computer desktop at work--



You know, I think they may be right. They also gave me a cow calendar, filled with pictures much like I take of the creatures. And my in-laws sent up a cow pen and cow postcards, plus this little toy they picked up in Switzerland that moos when you turn it upside down.

I guess I'm easy to buy for. But if that means I get cow-related stuff, then that's fine with me. So thanks, mom & dad, and thanks, other mom & dad. I really do appreciate it all!!

****

Another gift I received for Christmas was the annual edition of the “365 Stupidest Things Ever Said” calendar, and as I’ve done for the past 15 or so years, I read each and every page of it in one sitting. This accomplishes a couple of things--there’s a point where the cumulative effect of all that stupidity catches up with me, and whatever control I have dissolves in a big puddle. I start laughing uncontrollably, with tears running down my eyes, and for the next couple of minutes I’m unable to do nothing else. Loraine then just stares at me for a second, and shakes her head the way she’d shake her head at a puppy trying to chase its tail and accidentally running itself head-first into a wall.

Except I do it on purpose.

The page that set me off this year? Read by itself, it’s not necessarily that funny, but when you consider I’d just read 200 or so other pages of stupid stuff; well, like I said, the cumulative effect was just something else. It was a description of a movie in a newspaper--

“'Dawn of the Dead': Survivors of a world-wide plague that's producing the flesh-hungry undead take refuge in a mega-shopping mall.

Based on a true story”

Like I said, in and of itself it’s not gut-busting, but when placed near the end of a long line of stupid quotes, sayings, and newspaper headlines, it was the trigger that set off my annual bout of self-induced hysteria.

I know.  I need help. What’s your point?? But at least I have cows.

8-)

Have a great weekend,



Thursday, December 27, 2018

Thursday, 12/27


Is there such a thing as “holiday hangover”? Because if there is, I think I may be suffering from it.

For the past two days, I’ve had a DICKENS (no holiday pun intended (well, not much)) of a time trying to get my you-know-what in gear. It’s hard to get up in the morning, it’s hard to get going at work, and it’s hard to engage my brain at any time during the day. At first I thought it may just be the fact that I ate WAAAAAAAAAY too much on Christmas Eve & Christmas Day; however, after just eating enough to survive in the few days since, I can say that scarfing down cookies, fudge, cookies, a carrot or two, pie, and, uhm, more cookies isn’t the cause of my “hangover”. And since I don’t drink, I can safely say my “hangover” isn’t of the traditional variety, either.

So what is it? I think I’ve narrowed it down to one of two things. As those of you who read this on a daily basis know, I’ve had the usual insane schedule the past few months. Maybe this “hangover” is just my body’s way of telling me “enough is enough”. Or, perhaps that “insanity” may just have added to effects caused by a hypothetical “holiday hangover”. You know--you spend an intense few days (or weeks) trying to get everything ready for Christmas, everything for which you’ve worked happens over a day or two, and then you’re left with this, oh, “void” in your life. You’ve spend so much energy on a certain goal for so long that you don’t know how to react once it’s over.

Maybe THAT’S a holiday hangover. If so, it might be similar to a “wedding” hangover, an “exam week” hangover, or a “let’s move into a new apartment/house” hangover. Your mind is so fixated on one event that it can’t let go once that event is over.

Hmm.  You may like to know that something interesting just occurred. While I was writing about suffering from the effects of a “holiday hangover”, it seems to have started to go away. Maybe just talking through the problem has helped. Maybe I just needed to bounce the concept off of someone. If that’s the case, then, well, thanks for being my “therapist”.

I’ll stick your check in the mail tomorrow!

8-)


Wednesday, December 26, 2018

Wednesday, 12/26


The cookies aren't gone yet. But I'm getting there.

After baking 31 dozen (and yes, I have a problem) cookies over the weekend and then giving what I could away, I'm still left with several dozen of assorted types lying around our apartment. I'm still willing to give them to a good home if anyone wants them.

8-)

I don’t bake the cookies for me to eat; in fact, Loraine often expresses amazement and/or disappointment over the fact that I make the cookies but don’t eat them. But while I do munch on one or two (mostly to make sure they turn out okay), I make them mostly to give away. After all, the holidays are all about giving, right? Especially if you’re giving away 11 extra pounds of caloric-driven weight through all the cookies you bake?

Right??

One of the reasons I don’t eat all the cookies, and one of the reasons that I’m glad they’re mostly gone, is that I’m not sure if I wanna gain the extra two pounds the average American gains during the average holiday season. Now, I’m sure some of you are asking how I can be worried about gaining two pounds when I don’t eating my own baking, and I can safely answer this way—while I don’t eat my own baking, I sure do eat a lot of other people’s baking.

Once again, those of you who read this on a daily basis know what I’m talking about—ever since Thanksgiving, it seems like I’ve been writing about nothing other than trying to go to bazaars and holiday festivals and open houses and bake sales and cookie swaps. And while I don’t eat a lot at any one of those events, the sheer number of them that Loraine & I attend makes it inevitable that, like almost every American, I’ll gain those two pounds during the holidays.

Now, one of the reasons Americans have gotten so large over the past two decades is that, studies show, they never lose the two pounds they gain each holiday season. And while a pound or two might not make much difference in a year, you add them up over a decade, and you’re eventually 15 or 20 pounds heavier than you once were.

That’s why I don’t eat the cookies I bake. I make up for it in eating the stuff that OTHER people make and give to me. And that’s why I hit the ski trails and the running routes and the weights with added vigor during and after the holidays. I want to get rid of those two pounds I may have picked up.

Of course, now I need to apologize for giving all those cookies away and causing other people to gain their two pounds. I’ll admit it’s an imperfect system; all I have to do now is figure out how to make calorie-free Christmas cookies, and then EVERYONE can be happy!


Monday, December 24, 2018

Friday, December 21, 2018

Friday, 12/21


My fingers smell like rosemary. Of course, they're also red at the moment, which means that there's something strangely weird going on. Or weirdly strange. You pick.

All the dough for my Christmas cookies has now been made, leading up to the mass orgy of baking I'm planning for tonight. That, of course, is why my fingers are confused. Last night I made the dough for two different cookies. The first accounts for the way they smell; that would be the lemon-rosemary cookies of which I've become so fond. This year, I decided to use fresh rosemary, which means that I had to tear off and cut up the leaves from the stems I bought. I'm glad I did it; the aroma from fresh rosemary made the dough smell amazing, a taste I hope will transfer to the cookies. But since I had to hold the rosemary by hand to tear and cut the oils from the herb transferred onto my fingers, where more than 12 hours later they still reside.

Of course, I LOVE rosemary, which means I think my hands smell heavenly. But that's just me.

Here's where the strangely weird (or weirdly strange) part comes in. My fingers smell like a green herb, yet look like they were attacked by a red one. The other cookie dough I made was for the cherry-chocolate explosions, which means that I had to cut up a jar of maraschino cherries. I don't know how much food coloring was placed in them, but by the time I finished cutting up the jar the fingers which I used were a very bright, almost neon red. They smelled like rosemary, mind you, but looked like they had gotten involved in an intimate relationship with a Twizzler.

They were that red.

No matter how many times I washed my hands (and I washed them a lot while making the dough, because I practice safe baking) the red coloring would not come out of my fingers. After taking a shower this morning the red coloring still didn't come out of my fingers, although it's faded a bit. I'm hoping it comes out soon; if not, I know that it'll eventually disappear as the skin cells on my fingers fall off.

Unless, of course, the dye in the cherries was so strong I gave myself a permanent tattoo cutting them up. THAT would be the gift that keeps on giving!

So hopefully, the red disappears soon. The scent of rosemary can stay if it wants, although that's disappearing at a much greater rate than the color. But who knows—maybe when I bake the cookies tonight I can get a little of the smell to rub off on my hands. To play it safe, though, I may use gloves when making the cherry cookies.

Just in case.

****

This will be the last original blog for a few days. I'll post the annual Christmas Eve one Monday, and then be back with something new on Wednesday. Have yourself a great holiday weekend, a Merry Christmas, and, hopefully, dye-free fingers!



Thursday, December 20, 2018

Thursday, 12/20


Seeing as how we’re a day away from figuring out “Upper Michigan’s Favorite Classic Christmas Song...Ever!”, I’ve started to think about what MY favorite Christmas songs of all-time might be. I’ve narrowed it down to five. Actually, I DO know what my all-time fave is, but I also have a soft spot in my heart for the other four, as well.

So, first the four runners-up, in alphabetical order (and with the caveat that I don't consider Relient K's punk version of “The Twelve Days of Christmas” a classic, at least not yet. Otherwise it would be on the list)--

“All I Want For Christmas Is You”, Mariah Carey. Now, I’m not a big Mariah Carey fan, but there’s just something. . .irresistible about this song. It puts a smile on your face, it makes you sing along with it, and it gets stuck in your head. Can you ask for anything more in a tune, especially a holiday tune?

“Most Wonderful Time Of The Year”, Johnny Mathis. Why? Well, because it’s a great example of old-school Holiday music, with big orchestras, big vocals, and an urge to make you start dancing. Oh, and it mentions ghosts, too, therefore also technically qualifying it as a Halloween song, as well.

“Same Old Lang Syne”, Dan Fogelberg. When the (sadly) late Mr. Fogelberg wrote the song, I don’t think he intended it as a holiday song (it was just a single off of an album), but in the 37 years since (37 years?!?!?!?!?), it’s become a holiday classic. It’s a rare example of a downbeat Christmas song (like “Merry Christmas Baby”) that actually works as a Christmas song; add to that an incredibly wistful string arrangement, and you’re set.

“White Christmas”, by (ahem) Vince Gill. For the first two and a half minutes of this song, it’s just incredibly sublime guitar playing. Then for the next two and a half minutes, the vocals kick in. We play this particular version on Christmas Eve and Christmas Day; if you happen to hear it, you’ll know why it’s on this list.

And, finally, Jim’s favorite Christmas song of all time? There’s just no question about it…

“The Christmas Song”, by Nat King Cole. It’s ethereal. . .it just is. And it’s not OFFICIALLY the holidays until you listen to it.

That’s my top 5 list. Join us tomorrow and vote on yours!