Friday, 12/29

As our shared calendar draws to an end for yet another year (really...where did 2017 go?), here's a story about a gift I receive every year for Christmas.

A calendar. Specifically, a calendar that makes he laugh my head off.

As I have every Christmas for a decade and a half now, I received my annual edition of the “365 Stupidest Things Ever Said” calendar and as I’ve done for the past decade and a half I read each and every page of it in one sitting. This accomplishes a couple of things--there’s a point where the cumulative effect of all that stupidity catches up with me, and whatever control I have dissolves in a big puddle. I start laughing uncontrollably, with tears running down my eyes, and for the next couple of minutes, I’m unable to do nothing else. Loraine then just stares at me for a second, and shakes her head the way she’d shake her head at a puppy trying to chase its tail and accidentally running itself head-first into a wall.

Except I do it on purpose.

The page that set me off this year? Read by itself, it’s not necessarily that funny, but when you consider I’d just read 200 or so other pages of stupid stuff; well, like I said, the cumulative effect was just something else. It was a newspaper headline about people concerned about a forthcoming ordinance in their community--

“Stiff opposition expected to casketless funeral plan”.

Get it? “Stiff” opposition? To funeral plans? Okay. Maybe it's just me. I mean, in and of itself it’s not gut-busting, but when placed near the end of a long line of stupid quotes, sayings, and newspaper headlines, it was the trigger that set off my annual bout of self-induced hysteria.

I know. . .I need help. What’s your point??

On that note, have yourself a great holiday weekend and a very happy New Year. Party smartly, and if you can't do that, party safely. See you Tuesday!

(jim@wmqt.com)

Thursday, 12/28

If, when everything thaws this Spring, you happen to see a right ear and part of a lower lip lying somewhere on the street, would you please pick them up?

They're probably mine.

I can't believe how cold it was when I went out running this morning. Of course, I can't believe that I actually went out running this morning in a windchill of about 150 below, but I did. In a concession to the weather I did actually wear long pants (several layers of long pants, in fact), but I did go out running. Call me crazy, if you'd like. You wouldn't be the first person to do so.

It's probably a good thing schools aren't in session this week, either. After all, with cold like this, I'm assuming schools would be shut down for the entire week anyway. And that got me to thinking. I really do not wanna sound like one of those people who start off every sentence with the phrase “Back when I was a kid”, but (ahem) back when I was a kid, I don't remember having school canceled because of something like the bitter cold we're currently experiencing. I remember being at school on days when the air was frigid and the wind chills were extreme. In all honesty, I don't recall if the conditions were as harsh as they are now, but it seems to me like they were, and yet I was still in school.

Now, though? Not so much. At least it doesn't seem like it.

I realize that there are legitimate (and very good) excuses for keeping schools closed when it's colder here than it is at the South Pole (seriously...McMurdo Station at Antarctica has been warmer than Marquette the past two days). I mean, the fact that I seem to have lost two parts of my body while out running today is basically the best reason for closing schools. Still, though, it just seems (at least to me) that they close and cancel things quite a bit more than they did (ahem) back when I was a kid. I don't know if it's true, I don't know if my perceptions are just askew. But all through my life—when I was a kid, and now that I'm what passes for an adult—I just seem to think that many more things went on as normal despite the bad weather.

Like I said, I don't know if that's actually the case or if my perceptions have been warped by whatever's been warping my brain since I was young. But I tend to think that it might actually be the case. After all, if I'm stupid enough to go out running on a day so cold that you lose body parts, I must've picked up the habit somewhere, right? There must be something in my brain that tells me it's okay to go out on a day when the wind chill's around 150 below.

Well, it's just a thought. Hopefully, some day soon, it'll start to warm up, and we won't have to ponder things like butter temperatures and the cancellations they cause. Hopefully, some day soon, I'll be able to run without losing parts of my face. After all, with only one ear and no more than one and half lips left, I'm rapidly running out of body parts left to fall off.

8-)

(jim@wmqt.com)

Wednesday, 12/27

Please don’t laugh, but I don’t think I got my fill of Christmas music this year.

See, you’re laughing, aren’t you? I don’t blame you, because by the time Christmas actually rolls around most normal people have heard enough Christmas music to last them for the next 11 months. But as we all know, I’m anything but normal, especially this holiday season.

Hence, the Christmas music I could still probably listen to.

Aside from what we played on the air leading up to the holiday, I really didn’t get a chance to listen to a lot of Christmas music this year. I listened to the usual discs when I was making cookies, and I listened to one of my favorites--“Soul Christmas”--a couple of times while wrapping gifts Friday afternoon, but that was about it. I just didn’t have time to listen to anything else. By my reckoning, I only heard “The Christmas Song” twice, “All I Want For Christmas Is You” three times, and in a stunning reversal from normal, I don’t believe I heard “Happy Xmas (War Is Over)” or Vince Gill’s sublime version of “White Christmas” even once this year.

Not once!

Unfortunately, the two “Christmas” songs I heard the most (and you did notice the quotes around “Christmas”, right?) were “Grandma Got Run Over By A Reindeer” and “Rusty Chevrolet””, if only because those are the two holiday songs for which we received the most Instant Requests. Those don’t really get the spirit of the season across, unless you consider the spirit of the season to be vehicular homicide or the need for a new car. In that case, those songs are fine; in my case, not so much.

I don’t think I’ll bust out any Christmas CDs any time soon; after all, holiday music isn’t the same after the holiday’s actually over. Maybe, though, it means I’ll look forward to it just a little more than usual next Christmas, and get a chance to listen a greater variety of artists than Elmo & Patsy and Da Yoopers.

That’d be okay with me.

                                                                  *****

Before I leave I do want to mentioned how saddened Loraine and I were to hear the news of yesterday's death of Tom Baldini, the mayor of Marquette.  I've known Tom since high school, when I was a student in his Advanced Political Science class, one of the things that helped turn me from a fledgling political junkie to a full-bore political junkie.  When he worked for Bart Stupak he was a big champion of Loraine's WWII research work, offering help if she ever ran into bureaucratic road blocks.  And he was also a fan of "High School Bowl".  When we passed each other on the streets he'd always make a comment about something he noticed during the previous week's show.

He was one of the good guys.  He will be sorely missed.

(jim@wmqt.com)

Tuesday, 12/26

No, they're not quite gone yet.

Among the notes I received from you guys over the last few days was one from daily blog reader Holly in Marquette, who wanted to know if the 31 or so dozen cookies I baked during the last week and a half are still floating around. With the exception of a few of this kind and few of that kind, Holly, I'm glad to say they're almost gone.

And about that, I couldn’t be happier!

I don’t bake the cookies for me to eat; in fact, Loraine often expresses amazement and/or disappointment over the fact that I make the cookies but don’t eat them. But while I do munch on one or two (mostly to make sure they turn out okay), I make them mostly to give away. After all, the holidays are all about giving, right? Especially if you’re giving (what did we figure out) 11 extra pounds of weight through all the cookies you bake?

Right??

One of the reasons I don’t eat all the cookies, and one of the reasons that I’m glad they’re almost all gone, is that I’m not sure if I wanna gain the extra two pounds the average American gains during the average holiday season. Now, I’m sure some of you are asking how I can be worried about gaining two pounds when I don’t eating my own baking, and I can safely answer this way—while I don’t eat my own baking, I sure do eat a lot of other people’s baking.

Once again, those of you who read this on a daily basis know what I’m talking about—ever since Thanksgiving, it seems like I’ve been writing about nothing other than trying to go to bazaars and holiday festivals and open houses and bake sales and cookie swaps. And while I don’t eat a lot at any one of those events, the sheer number of them that Loraine & I attend makes it inevitable that, like almost every American, I’ll gain those two pounds during the holidays.

Now, one of the reasons Americans have gotten so large over the past two decades is that, studies show, they never lose the two pounds they gain each holiday season. And while a pound or two might not make much difference in a year, you add them up over a decade, and you’re eventually 15 or 20 pounds heavier than you once were.

That’s why I don’t eat the cookies I bake. I make up for it in eating the stuff that OTHER people make and give to me. And that’s why I hit the ski trails and the running routes and the weights with added vigor during and after the holidays. I want to get rid of those two pounds I may have picked up.

Of course, now I need to apologize for giving all those cookies away and causing other people to gain their two pounds. I’ll admit it’s an imperfect system; all I have to do now is figure out how to make calorie-free Christmas cookies, and then EVERYONE can be happy!

(jim@wmqt.com)

Thursday, 12/21

Say hello to my little friend--

I'm not a big fan of Will Ferrell or the movie “Elf”, but I got to spend the day with Buddy the Elf yesterday, and it wasn't too bad. For those of you who don't know what's going on, our friends at the Delft Bistro in Marquette have their “Delft on a Shelf” promo happening through Christmas. They stick a life-sized cardboard cutout of Buddy the Elf in various places around Marquette, people take selfies with him, and they then have a chance to win goodies from The Delft.

Yesterday, Buddy spent the day at the station. For the most part, he was quiet and stayed out of the way, showing none of the manic tendencies for which he's known. However, I think he became bored sitting in our window, because he insisted on spending the afternoon with me in the studio. He was still behaving himself in there, at least until he started giving me the stink-eye when I wouldn't play “Baby It's Cold Outside”. Fed up a little, I told him that if he didn't stop I'd stick him out in the snowbank outside, where several dogs had just passed by to, uhm, take care of business.

He quit giving me the stink-eye after that.

I have no idea where Buddy's going after he leaves us, but hopefully it's to a home that welcomes him just as much as we did. Hopefully, he behaves himself there, and hopefully, he won't end up in someone else's snowbank

Although with him, you never know.

****

By the way, I'm off most of the day tomorrow to enjoy a three and a half holiday weekend, so there won't be a new one of these up. However, if you get really bored and really desperate to read something, you can also click HERE and check out the story of a Christmas Eve tradition for Loraine and me.

Have a great Christmas weekend. See you again Tuesday!

(jim@wmqt.com)

Tuesday, 12/19

I’m a guy, and I like it. Is it THAT big of a surprise?

Perhaps my favorite movie of the last 15 years is “Love, Actually”, a movie that kind of flopped when it came out in theaters but has now taken on a second life as a modern-day holiday classic (in this regard, it resembles “It’s a Wonderful Life”, something I’ll discuss in a bit). Anyway, it’s the tenth anniversary of the film’s release, and because of that there have been a slew of articles released about the movie, many of which deal with the same topic--

Did you know guys like “Love, Actually”?

Speaking as a guy, just let me say this--yes, some of us DO like “Love, Actually”. In fact, some of us LOVE “Love, Actually”, and I’m not quite sure why all these writers are surprised. I mean, sure, it doesn’t have any explosions, farts, or fights, and it’s filled with heart and humor, but that doesn’t mean guys don’t like it. In fact, I’ve always been a fan of Richard Curtis, the guy who wrote and directed the film, if only because his movies DO have heart & humor, and conspicuously lack explosions and farts, and when he does include fights, they’re usually between Colin Firth and Hugh Grant, and they’re hilarious.

So there.

Another of my favorite articles on the movie is one that asked people which of the nine subplots they liked best (for those of you who haven’t seen the movie, [and shame on you, by the way, if you haven’t], the movie juggles nine inter-related subplots in the 5 weeks leading up to Christmas), and that’s almost like asking someone which of their nine kids or puppies or classic cars or whatever they like best. I don’t know that I could pick my absolute favorite, although I will admit that I have a fondness for both the Hugh Grant and the Colin Firth story lines. The one that always gets to me, though, is the plot with Keira Knightly and the guy in love with her. Once again, I don’t wanna spoil it for anyone who’s never seen it, but if you aren’t in some way affected after watching that plot line, you’d better check to see if you have a pulse!

So there you go. I’m a guy, and I love “Love, Actually”. Think they’ll write an article about me, now??

8-)

*****

Okay, I mentioned how “Love, Actually” has pretty much followed the arc of “It’s a Wonderful Life” by being a box office failure at first, only to then become a beloved holiday classic. Well, that reminds me I need to check on something. A couple of years ago, there were plans afoot to make a sequel to “Wonderful Life”, in which the ghost of George Bailey’s youngest kid, Zazu, comes back to haunt George’s bratty grandson by showing him how much better the world would’ve been if he was never born.

That sounds like it’s full of holiday cheer, doesn’t it? And the actress who played Zazu in the original, Karoline Grimes, is coming back for this film. Why, why, why? And if this is the case, what’s next--a sequel to “The Wizard of Oz” in which Dorothy’s granddaughter skips out of rehab to join a doomsday cult?

I’ve been joking on the air the past few years about how the movie business has run out of ideas. Guess I wasn’t that far off, was I?

(jim@wmqt.com)

Monday, 12/18

Well, at least the cookies are done.

I've mentioned in here about how I've yet to accomplish basically anything to do with Christmas. I mentioned that I had hoped to tackle a big chunk of it this weekend, and you know what? I did. I baked 31 dozen cookies.

Why yes, I do wonder about my sanity, just like you do!

It did turn out to be a two and a half day process, Friday night & Saturday at our place and Sunday at my parents. And if I'm gonna be totally honest I'm not completely done yet. There are still a few cookies that need to get frosted. But they're baked and (for the most part) ready to go. And that's what counts.

Speaking of counting, I have this bad habit every year of trying to figure out how many calories I'm inflicting on friends and family by baking (in this case) 31 dozen cookies. So let's do a little math, shall we? If I baked 31 dozen cookies, that's 372 cookies. I'm gonna guess here, based on the different kinds of cookies I made, that each cookie contains 110 calories. That might be slightly higher than average for a cookie, but I make a couple of kinds (like my Grandma Cookie) that has some high-calorie stuff in it. So if I made 372 cookies at 110 calories each, that's 40,920 calories.

For that, I apologize in advance.

Let's see...if it takes 3,500 calories to gain a pound, I'm gonna be personally responsible for family and friends gaining a net total of 11 and two thirds pounds. While I generally think of myself as a thoughtful and kind person, one not prone to evil impulses, I take a look at that 40,920 calorie figure and wonder if, somehow, I've gone over to the Dark Side and don't even realize it.

Oops.

And I don't help things, either. I may make 372 cookies, but I probably only eat a dozen or so of them (at most) myself. As I mentioned, most of them are given away. After making that many cookies, I'm really not that hungry for them. It may seem weird, especially because I love baking cookies, but after all that work, I just don't feeling like eating them.

I can't explain it. That's just how it goes.

But at least the cookies are done, and the pounds are waiting to be gained. Now all I have to do is wrap my gifts and stick them under the tree. Once, of course, I head down into the basement and actually get the tree. But I'll get it done. Honest...I'll get it done!

8-)

(jim@wmqt.com)